staying in relationships that do not serve us
If an article had to be written about it, then it must be really hard, and it is. We often encounter our friends or ourselves stuck in a relationship that doesn’t serve us. And on the spectrum, not serving you is a whole lot better than punishing you. Sometimes we lose ourselves in relationships, and the values that we stood on. We give it all away for what in that moment feels great, well, in certain moments. There are the highs that feel worth fighting for, worth staying for. Even though when it gets rough, we know it isn’t worth it, no matter how many times we try to convince ourselves otherwise. We stare at the weeds that we convinced ourselves were the greener grass on the other side. We stare at a “bright” future, but all that glitters isn’t gold.
The familiar toxins
That’s why it is so hard to get out of a toxic relationship, our mind craves the familiarity even though it hurts us. We are wounded creatures in love with the pain, but also when it is going great, we feel like we are on top of the world. We feel like no one has ever experienced this kind of love before, but that’s just a ticking time bomb wrapped in ribbons. But we overlook disaster in the face of a little bit of paradise.
Charm…or is it?
I could go on and on about the love bombing, the manipulation that presents itself as charm. But the question here is how to free yourself from the shackles of what could be evil itself. First of all, it is important to get real, real about what you’re faced with; being dishonest with yourself with statements like “they are going to change” is what pushes you to stay. You can forgive, but don’t be a doormat. Take off those rainbow-coloured lenses and walk away. It’s so easy to say, “walk away”, but when your whole body pushes you to stay, you feel stuck. It’s not just your eyes that deceive you, but your whole body, every ounce of hormone that causes you to crave them, the attachment to their voice, their presence. It sounds so poetic, but the poison is so intoxicating.
A trusted friend
It helps to talk to people, someone you trust, someone who won’t push you to the deep end and force you to remain in a situation that just does not nurture you anymore. You have to get away from people who look at your wounds and make you feel that your perpetrator is your saviour. They are clearly not, and sometimes it’s easier to turn a blind eye than to take action.
The lost art of arguing/debating
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Why leaving is hard
When action means leaving the only person who, according to you who made you feel loved and accepted. It is hard to leave when it feels like you’ll never be this understood again, and the world doesn’t seem to have a better option. It’s hard to walk away when they were never like that when you met.