Yeah, this might be a rough one for the parents to hear. If you are a parent, listen up; this might come in handy, and if you are a child, then this might validate what you have always been feeling, but you never had the courage to say. Yes, we all love our neighbours, but at what cost?

Before we dive into this, I will give some parents the benefit of the doubt, because you have done as much as you know. You live with your children from the moment of birth, and at that stage, protecting and providing becomes your number one goal, sometimes even at the expense of your very own children.

Neighbours: The first layer of pressure

From family functions to dinner invites, children have had to endure second best. Parents can shout all they want behind closed doors, but as soon as neighbours pass, the facade begins, the fake smiles begin to appear, and so do the constant ups and downs and the people-pleasing for those outside of the family.

Parents try to say, ‘But so-and-so’s child is this and that, and you, not so much,’ followed by more comparisons and simply throwing us under the bus. I kid you not, there are many times a mistake or blunder I had caused in the past, soon turned into a comedy session, almost as if the only thing funny to discuss about in that time was their very own children, in my own house, imagine, and it’s sad to say because many children can relate to this one. This causes one to think, Wow, am I that much of a laughing stock?. There is loving your neighbour as yourself, and then there is the reality that many children have to face.

Visitors: The second layer of pressure

If you thought we had it tough with neighbours, just wait for the visitors; this is where the downfall begins. Even moments before their arrival, children can feel the tension: “Clean this, fix that,” and “Don’t embarrass me,” others might say. The house gets flipped to an extent that it’s unrecognisable, and suddenly, anyone and everyone is now allowed into our rooms. What happened to privacy or boundaries, just so we can perform to impress visitors? And deep down, as children, we are distorted, and they wonder why we choose to hide in our blankets.

Other people’s children: The third layer of pressure

In regard to how our parents treat other people, kids, it’s worlds apart. That ball we used to play with is now a gift to the visitors’ sons, without question, and we are hearing just how much better their daughters are compared to us. Many parents stick out their neck for children who couldn’t even care; maybe it’s through them that they get the approval of the parents, but your very own children need heroes, too. The problem is that these heroes tend to neglect their own, and what begins to happen is that everyone outside of those walls sings praises, while, within, the children’s feelings are suppressed for the sake of a reputation.

Why we do not get along with our parents

Read More

A call for reconciliation

Here’s the truth: no parent desires this. I believe it’s a defence mechanism. The reality is, it’s their first time becoming parents, and maybe their gaze has been misdirected, but with the help of their children, it’s never too late. So today is the day of reconciliation. Parents, let the voices from within the house be supreme first and the others secondary, then surely you will have children who love you more, because deep down we aren’t asking for much.